It’s too often in the fitness industry that people are enamored with a bunch of inconsequential happy horseshit. If you thought that sentence was bright and shiny, wait, it gets better.
The unfortunate reality is most of our industry exists on a superficial level and thrives on subtle manipulation. Sure, that’s marketing for the most part–but at times we take disingenuous to a new level. It’s all a game predicated on joining the cool kids table at lunch. Only this time the cool kids hide behind keyboards.
Everyone wants their internet sales to skyrocket so no one calls bullshit when they see it. Well that guy is friends with that guy, so if I piss off that guy maybe the other guy won’t support me anymore. My internet friends will dwindle and my self-worth will shrivel up. Damn it, I need to achieve the next level of Facebook likes!
The trend now is content that inspires immediate action–feeding people a bunch of shit they feel motivated to go immediately try–doesn’t matter if it’s worth a damn. No progression, no strategy, just here go fuckin’ try this I did it once and it felt cool.
Most of the solid information sources are unfortunately going dark–many coaches are fed up with trends of asshatery. Chris and I are, of course, anti-asshaterists, so we aren’t going to bail we’ll keep telling you about the stuff we actually do in real life that makes other people better.
The farce is exacerbated by the ‘always working out, always working’ mentality that people claim to have. Rather than focusing on the process of achieving a goal for the sake of doing something worthwhile that brings meaning to our lives, people stay busy because that’s what the Jones’ are doing.
Social media has become the metric of success; the point is lost.
Business is business and we all have to do certain things to heat our houses and fill our bellies. But these habits of patting asses and living to look busy to internet friends is exhausting.
So, rather than offer you a strategy on how to get stronger and win your praise as an internet strength guru-coach-trainer; I’m going to give you a few ideas on what you can do rather than train. Life is bigger than the few hours we spend in the gym per week, so if you want to say fuck it some day and do something else maybe start with some of these.
(Disclaimer: Truly goal focused people probably don’t need this post because they are immersed in the process of doing something bigger than themselves rather than posting shit because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do. So, it’s most likely that they’re already living their lives and not just lifting)
1. Get Drunk and Jump Over Shit: This is one of my favorites from college.
2. Take a fuckin’ walk.
3. Go to a friends house, order a dirty movie on their On Demand and don’t tell them. Make sure this is before some sort of social gathering. As people are gathering, turn the TV on to “find the game” and enjoy the hilarity. Make sure their significant other’s parents are there. Everyone will think your friend is a perv. Ah Jesus, Ed! Why goats?
4. Donate your time to help other people.
5. Challenge a little kid to a race and let them win. Just kidding…let them get ahead and them trip them right before the finish line. Then pretend you’re going to give them candy, but as they reach for it shove it in your mouth and call them a loser.
6. Just kidding, let the kid win.
7. Sit at a Chinese buffet from lunch until dinner. Bring books and magazines, you’ll need them. When they try to kick you out at 3pm, pretend like you don’t speak English very well. Learn a little German before you go in just to hook the sale.
8. Throw rocks at cars.
9. Chug a two liter bottle of coke and then eat an entire pack of Mentos. Finish by doing jumping jacks.
10. Find an older person in your neighborhood and go have coffee with them. Listen to them talk about whatever they want. It’s more important than the deadlifts you were going to do.
(By the way, I get that we all love to deadlift. But fuckin’ enough already with the deadlifts and bacon shit.)
You’re all awesome.
Peace Up. A-town Down.